The great challenge of motherhood for me, thus far, is all about achieving balance. Balancing work, time with Caitlyn, relationships, friendships, cooking, cleaning, gardening, me time, shopping, couponing, exercising, and all of the other activities I wish I had time for seems to be an impossible task most of the time. I know I am new to this, and I know I am not alone in this, but still I am overwhelmed and often worn out. Even prioritizing and making lists isn't always helpful when my list requires a 36 hour day to come close to completion. I think a great blessing and a great curse of being a woman is our ability to multi-task. Matt and I were discussing this the other day; as a man, he has a one-track mind and the ability/desire to stay completely focused on a task and see it through to completion. Unfortunately, it is difficult to be a stay-at-home dad and not engage in at least some multi-tasking. On the other hand, I feel like I am constantly multi-tasking, and that often comes with a cost as well. It is difficult at times for me to stay completely present in the moment with Caitlyn - my mind wanders, or I remember that there are dishes to do or coupons to clip, and I think to myself that I am missing out on some beautiful moments with her that I will never get back. Tonight while I was rocking her to sleep, I was struck again by the blessing I have been given in the beautiful gift that is my daughter. As I snuggled her close against me, I silently whispered a prayer of thanksgiving, for I am truly thankful to be Caitlyn's mother. It would have been easy for me to rush through that task as I do so many other little tasks throughout the day, but I spent just a few extra minutes rocking and snuggling with her, and they were by far the best moments in my day.
It's nearly midnight now, and once again I'm kicking myself for not shutting out the lights sooner, but I've been thinking about this idea of balance all week long, and I had to try and get it out in some way. As I was saying to a co-worker today, where's that magic wand when you need it? What's the secret formula that will get me an extra few hours of energy and productivity during the day? Because as it is, I am running ragged, and balance seems a distant, only hoped-for possibility...